This afternoon the Minister for Transport, Tourism and Sport, Shane Ross T.D., granted clearance for St Nicholas, also known as Santa Claus, to enter Irish airspace.
Minister Ross said; “I’m very happy to be able to tell all the children of Ireland that Santa will soon be heading in our direction. My aviation chiefs are following his progress and they tell me that he will be arriving down chimneys earlier than usual this year.”
The reason for Santa’s extra speed has not been confirmed, however informed sources close to the big man say he has invested in a new style of Electric Vehicle Motor, which he hopes will encourage other travellers to do likewise, and therefore contribute to the battle against climate change.
Minister Ross continued: “Santa wrote to me some weeks ago to say that he will still be accompanied by eight reindeer all of whom are indispensable for sleigh travel.
He added: “This is an historical trip as Santa has recently agreed to recognise the Reindeer Union led by Prancer, and I believe that for the first time ever they will have the week following Christmas Day off work.”
In further news Santa’s navigation boss, Mrs. Claus, has asked that children leave a glass of milk or a soft drink out for Santa rather than a drop of whiskey or brandy. In a satellite call to Minister Ross she explained:
“My husband enjoys a Christmas drink as much as the next elf, but as he in charge of a motorised vehicle this year he will not be having his annual Christmas drink[s] until he is safely home on Christmas Day.” Mrs Claus added; “If you really wish to leave a drop of the hard stuff out for him, he will gladly take it home and enjoy it in front of the fire when the sleigh is safely parked outside and the reindeer are enjoying their post-Christmas dinner snowball fight.”
A further ‘first’ for Santa this year is that he has insisted on being breathalysed before he leaves Irish airspace and heads for mainland Europe. He told Minister Ross:
“I think it’s up to me to set a good example and follow all the drink driving rules that will keep everyone safe and happy this Christmas. If that involves not taking any alcohol while I’m in charge of a motorised vehicle and taking a breathalyser test to demonstrate that, it will be very well worth it.”
Minister Ross confirmed that the MBRS (Medical Bureau of Road Safety) will work overtime on Christmas morning and the results of Santa’s breathalyser test will be posted online just before lunchtime.
Citizens will be relieved to hear that Minister Ross is the Senior Minister on duty for Christmas Day and therefore in sole and complete charge of the country. He has assured Santa that he will not stage an Independent Alliance coup (just yet).